30 DAY BLOG CHALLENGE!

YES I'm going to make myself do it! And I picked one that is a bit different then most. Not your typical post a picture of yourself blog challenge !

Some parents make me wonder

So I get it , lots of people don't celebrate certain holidays.... But to not celebrate a single freaking holiday? Um why? I try not to judge.... Scratch that Im guilty as sin but these parents def do not strike me as the type- yes I'm stereotyping! Keelie has a kid in her class- his family doesn't celebrate a single and I mean 1 single holiday. So of course the rest of the class has to accommodate this one child everytime a holiday party comes around. Now I think what bothers me even more is this child's reactions to anything holiday. I helped out in the class this week and we used leftover Christmas plates for a project . This child went off for 10 mins about these plates. I get it.... Ok I don't get it but I will try to pretend to get that they choose not to celebrate but please teach your child respect for those who still do as I will teach mine respect for your child who doesn't celebrate. I'm sure ill get a shame on you from somewhere for this!

Giving up

Seriously........ I say I quit every now and then cause I'm frustrated at the moment but today ,hell for the past month I'm stuck. Stuck in this rut... I have lost any and all control over my emotions and feelings- WTH is this, why am I so damn low and can't get out? Everywhere I turn is another event pushing me deeper into the "dark". When did people become so damn rude and so selfish, if I interrupted a conversation you better believe im somehow made to know it, but someone interupts mine and im the bad person.It's one thing for one person in my life to ignore my feelings and make them invalid but my god it's everyone. I can't talk without being argued with, not listened to, interrupted, made to feel dumb or annoying god you name it- seriously after the constantness of it I might as well just shut up. I've heard how things I say are "deadened" or don't warrant a response .... All the while I'm thinking wow I can come up with 10 responses and what I just said was important to me so damn sure would have been nice to get one. It is that hard? What the hell is wrong with me? Do I suck that bad, am I that annoying or uncool that I can't be given the time of day, that I can't be included. I watched a new person come in- shes beautiful , gorgeous family yada yada and guess what she's the center of attention- everyone talks about her when she's not there, when she is everyone cares how her life or day is. Ya not here- prob wouldn't even notice if I was gone. Damn it I'm so sick of these feelings- I don't wish my mind on anyone it's a freaking curse. I'm fighting tears at every thought , who the hell gave us emotions cause they genuinely suck. Competition- that's how life feels. A competion for everything - I'm trying so hard to teach Keelie the right way and yet every turn is another competition- who's better then who, who gets more attention then who,really for christs sake- then I wonder why my child makes the horrible comments she does- its everywhere around her- how do you teach the opposite when that's all that's in your face. I used to think that you needed to surround yourself with people who cared , who were support , but I quickly discovered that was wrong. All you needed were a very few who truely cared, but my god that's dwindling to none. Will and I choose the people everyday to be involved in the kids lives ( to the extent of our power) but so many keep choosing not to be a part of their lives , you ask why and all you get is excuses. Is that the new way of life - do whatever and have an excuse for everything you couldn't be bothered to do? Makes me question my ability to make the right choices these days. Well my emotions seem unchecked for a few mins anyways- a jumble of 50 million feelings that make no sense :/