I need it in writting

Yes in writing please, or maybe daily notes ,shoot even better a little person who sits on my shoulder  and  informs me every time my children and even my dear dear ....oh so dear ....bahahahaha ..... husband does something that makes me go WTH that it is normal!! Maybe not even normal but that yes it happens, to many other families, in many other homes, to parents even ones I know who are feeling the same way I am at that very moment. The frustration with my child's behavior when every other child around them isn't acting that way, even ones younger. My husbands ridiculous tyrants and the many moments he might as well be my 3rd child. I can not tell you how many times a day I re-evaluate my skills as a parent, how I'm parenting, how I'm not parenting lol.

                                                      Its bloody hell stressful I tell ya!!!!

      Yes I over think things- hell I over think everything, it is the brain I was cursed with. This brain is also the one that makes me socially retarded in every aspect. Hello sidetracked..................... so please little angel or demon or forget all that I want a hot muscular vampire ( ahahahahah-go ahead say it!) to sit on my shoulder and say YES the fact that your 5 year old isn't paying attention, hasn't been paying attention for the last 10 mins and prob won't pay attention the rest of the time your where you are is normal and happens to even the best parents whom you never see have to deal with their child this way in public. That YES your 2 year old who god forbid has to go in a car seat, stroller or hell the dreaded shopping cart and is screaming at you while spitting and head butting is normal or done by all the other 2 year olds that you cant seem to see anywhere even for the rest of the day, juts yours!. And then while they are at is can they please tell all the rude people staring at me because of this that they can kindly kiss my ass and go find someone else to gap at!!

   Everyday is a learning experience, a new day filled full of god knows what!! And I love it...well lets be honest, most of the time!  I can't tell you how nice it would be to know the whole world- ok the whole room/store/restaurant WHATEVER isn't watching mine and my child's every move thinking OMG that kids horrible, NO child has ever done that before! It gives me some kind of relief, a breath of fresh air to hear a parent or wife tell me a story that sounds oh so familiar. Or to see( it happens so so rarely) it in public. Tomorrow is a new day, one that doesn't involve any public places or people- a vacation for me ha ha! Someday it all gets easier...right? or maybe I'll just stop being so hard on myself. And if, just if someone happens to be a saint, a god send and writes a book, THE BOOK,  on raising children please let me know!(a person can dream right?!)



    

Rocking New Mexico!

    This weekend we ventured the 377 miles to Albuquerque, New Mexico for the New Mexico State championships . Despite the first nights ridiculous hotel shenanigans we had a very enjoyable dinner with friends and a great feis! Keelie has been working very hard the last month with her dance teachers to prepare for this feis.

     For those not Feis/Irish dance knowledgeable lol the way it works is.... You start out as a beginner 1 and you learn 4 dances : Reel, Light Jig, Slip Jig and Single Jig. When you compete at a feis you have to place 1st, 2nd or 3rd out of at least 5 dancers to move to beginner 2 . Once in beginner 2 you have to place 1st or 2nd( pending amount in the competition) to move to novice and it gets harder from there. You also start hard shoe dances - Double Jigs, Hornpipe and Saint Patricks Day. Once you have 4 dances at a novice level you can earn a solo dress( the fancy sparkly dresses) from there you go to prizewinner then pre-lim champ then open champ. Each dance is done by age level so "most "of the time Keelie dances with kids close to her age. ( I'm typing via cell phone so excuse any errors in info)

     It was very random the amount of kids in each of Keelie's dances. So some of them had enough to move up if she placed well and others didn't. Her first dance was the reel and she rocked it!. She looked so good, arms and all I thought for sure at least top 3( 7 dancers total) we were so excited to see she got first- it was one of those I'm going to cry moments we were so proud of her. This dance was her first placement into a novice level dance Then her light jig- she rocked it too! A few things she could have done better to earn that top spot but hey we will take 2nd, this dance has been her soft shoe nemesis!!This placement moved her from beginner 1 to beginner 2! Keelie kind of seemed to lose steam and focus at this point... she is only 5..... her slip jig wasn't the best but she got out there and did it and earned a 3rd place, however not enough dancers to move up. The last soft shoe dance was her single jig and it looked pretty good- this dance has lots of leaps- something her little butt has to work a lot on! But she earned herself a 4th place and a lunch break! I initially dreaded this lunch break but it was heaven sent. Keelie badly needed a break. Refueled and focus back on Keelie rocked her Treble Jig and Saint Patricks' day...... her hornpipe on the other hand has become her hard shoe nemesis. No matter how many times she practices it right she always forgets the second step while performing it. She placed 3rd in the first two and no placement in the hornpipe, none of these dances had enough kids to move up except the hornpipe. Due to the lower number of participants at this feis all of Keelie's competitions were combined with older age groups. So as a 5 year she competed in the U9 group for all her hard shoe  dances and to get 3rd with  kids 2,3 & 4 years older then her I think makes her our rock star! We all had fun this weekend, it was a great short family trip even Deklan behaved very well, especially considering the hours we had to wait for results! So 2 more dances closer to her pretty dress and we are looking forward to the upcoming Saint Patricks' events and 2 more out of town Feis's!

   

Gah

Ok I don't know how to say this without it sounding rude, I know people don't conspire together and then all come to talk to me, but I'm me, I'm not someone else's mother, babysitter or information center. So maybe people should think before constantly asking me about this other person. It's nice to know people only care about how the other person is not me... Did you once think about me. I'm not a selfish person but I'm so sick of this, I can't even leave the state, I'm still asked. Let me tell you how shitty of a feeling it is that I'm not cool unless this person is with me, I'm not worth people's time or how I'am or anything about me isn't important. They proved not to be the friend I thought they were and thats crappy enough in itself. So if you don't give a crap about me, please do me a favor and don't ask me about them cause the crappy feeling really sucks.

30 DAY BLOG CHALLENGE!

YES I'm going to make myself do it! And I picked one that is a bit different then most. Not your typical post a picture of yourself blog challenge !

Some parents make me wonder

So I get it , lots of people don't celebrate certain holidays.... But to not celebrate a single freaking holiday? Um why? I try not to judge.... Scratch that Im guilty as sin but these parents def do not strike me as the type- yes I'm stereotyping! Keelie has a kid in her class- his family doesn't celebrate a single and I mean 1 single holiday. So of course the rest of the class has to accommodate this one child everytime a holiday party comes around. Now I think what bothers me even more is this child's reactions to anything holiday. I helped out in the class this week and we used leftover Christmas plates for a project . This child went off for 10 mins about these plates. I get it.... Ok I don't get it but I will try to pretend to get that they choose not to celebrate but please teach your child respect for those who still do as I will teach mine respect for your child who doesn't celebrate. I'm sure ill get a shame on you from somewhere for this!

Giving up

Seriously........ I say I quit every now and then cause I'm frustrated at the moment but today ,hell for the past month I'm stuck. Stuck in this rut... I have lost any and all control over my emotions and feelings- WTH is this, why am I so damn low and can't get out? Everywhere I turn is another event pushing me deeper into the "dark". When did people become so damn rude and so selfish, if I interrupted a conversation you better believe im somehow made to know it, but someone interupts mine and im the bad person.It's one thing for one person in my life to ignore my feelings and make them invalid but my god it's everyone. I can't talk without being argued with, not listened to, interrupted, made to feel dumb or annoying god you name it- seriously after the constantness of it I might as well just shut up. I've heard how things I say are "deadened" or don't warrant a response .... All the while I'm thinking wow I can come up with 10 responses and what I just said was important to me so damn sure would have been nice to get one. It is that hard? What the hell is wrong with me? Do I suck that bad, am I that annoying or uncool that I can't be given the time of day, that I can't be included. I watched a new person come in- shes beautiful , gorgeous family yada yada and guess what she's the center of attention- everyone talks about her when she's not there, when she is everyone cares how her life or day is. Ya not here- prob wouldn't even notice if I was gone. Damn it I'm so sick of these feelings- I don't wish my mind on anyone it's a freaking curse. I'm fighting tears at every thought , who the hell gave us emotions cause they genuinely suck. Competition- that's how life feels. A competion for everything - I'm trying so hard to teach Keelie the right way and yet every turn is another competition- who's better then who, who gets more attention then who,really for christs sake- then I wonder why my child makes the horrible comments she does- its everywhere around her- how do you teach the opposite when that's all that's in your face. I used to think that you needed to surround yourself with people who cared , who were support , but I quickly discovered that was wrong. All you needed were a very few who truely cared, but my god that's dwindling to none. Will and I choose the people everyday to be involved in the kids lives ( to the extent of our power) but so many keep choosing not to be a part of their lives , you ask why and all you get is excuses. Is that the new way of life - do whatever and have an excuse for everything you couldn't be bothered to do? Makes me question my ability to make the right choices these days. Well my emotions seem unchecked for a few mins anyways- a jumble of 50 million feelings that make no sense :/

2013 Irish Dance Schedule

Its A new year which means a new Irish Dance schedule!!!

* Keelie dances at the time I list on each feis, so if you want to attend you must be there at that time or you will miss her*


Febuary- 
New mexico State Championships
Feb 23-24
Hyatt Regency Albuquerque
330 Tijeras NW
Albuquerque, NM 87102


March- Saint Patricks Day!!
More info as it becomes available
Parade- 16th
Recital- 17th 6:30pm Coronado Highschool


April-
Feile Denver
April 14th
Laramer County Fairgrounds
Loveland, Co


Feis Salt Lake City
April 27
Jordan highschool
95 Beetdigger Blvd
Sandy, Utah 84123


May- none yet!

June-
Pikes Peak Feis
June 15th
Bear Creek Elementary
1330 Creekside Drive
Monument, Co 80132


July-
Colorado Irish Festival
July 14th
Clement Park
7306 W Bowles Ave
Littleton, Co 80123

This is a Hopeful!!!
Dance for Life
July 21
Seattle , WA

August-
Cowboy State Feis
August 24th
Kaelly Walsh Highschool
3500 E 12th Street
Casper, WY 82609


September- we attend the whole festival for a week!
Longs Peak Scotish/Irish Festival
September 8th
Stanley Park
1209 Manford ave
Estes Park, Co 80517

This is a HOPEFULL!
Baltimore Feis
Sept 21

October-
Octoberfeis
Greenwood village, Co
will update info for this later

November-
Colorado Fall Feis
Loveland, Co
will update this info later when its available

Funny Tummy!

For the longest time now we have joked about how funny Deklans tummy looks. You know the kids you see on the tv commercials from other countries with the big round worm bellies, well we always jokingly told dek he had one of those! Granted he does have a big belly , his short chubby stature aids in that but if you look closer his tummy is a bit off shape and that we learned today is from a hernia( diastasis recti).he had a belated 18month well baby check up and the Dr discovered it ( funny they haven't before) Luckily it's what's termed a "reducible" hernia so eventually after his tummy muscles become stronger and develope better it will go away! So all in all the poor guy does have a few reasons his belly looks so funny, but as his amazingly loving parents we will prob still tease him..... For a while longer anyways! It's all out of love!

Proud Moment!!

I know a day late but I'm still so very very proud. Although Keelie could have rocked ALL of her dances yesterday she did FINALLY move up to beginner 2 in one of her dances. The Slip Jig- one of the harder dances... Go figure my stubborn child had to do the hard dances first!! She has been doing feis's for a year now and always done well for how young she is but she never had enough kids in her competition to move up to the next level ( Irish dance is confusing- if u don't get it ill explain someday!!). Anyways I'm sooooo proud of her for finally doing it!! Now she's finally in the "running" !! She's been working hard and practicing a lot without being reminded- she wants that's solo dress and in due time- if she had her way like now!....... But moms way will be awhile from now..........she will get one!!! Sooo yay Keelie-  soooo proud!!

Blessings

B..L..E..S..S..I..N..G..S.  that is what my children are. I have spelled it out I can even put a definition if you would like so that maybe just maybe someday those who need to understand it will get it. Why oh why are people so selfish? How can people be that way. If you are family then for gods sake act like it. The door has been open for soooo long. The opportunity to make an effort to be there 100 percent of the way has been given over and over again. 2 children who have brought the biggest brightest happiness to my life, to my husbands life to anyone around thems lives and yet people still choose not to be a part of it. When your blood it's suppose to mean something. Apparently I've got that all wrong. If your reading this and feeling guilty then take note. It's one thing to lie to me or to will but its another to lie to my children, seriously I'd be ashamed. Can't tell you how many times we haven't been invited to something or invited at the last minute cause oopps we were forgotten about. How many times my children weren't invited or even thought of when everyone else was. They are amazing kids, such a joy to be around and it's your loss. Let me guess what your saying ... Oh but you have tried. Seriously a half assed effort ... Please just don't even waste the time. When our children don't even know you let alone ask about you, it's just sad. They see people who aren't even family at least once a week people who live 45 plus mins away sometimes even more . I won't even post how close those who don't care live to us. I could go on- prob for days but nothing I could say would be nice. The ties have been cut. Last chances were given and apparently meant nothing. We have to protect our children- it's just sad when its from your own family.




.

Breath

I need a big sigh of relief, from what? Anymore I have no idea. It's not anxiety but it feels a bit that way, maybe overwhelmed..... With feelings, emotions, irritability , life! Maybe lack of control, control in what's happening around me, control of the future and even of the past.I have always been a go with the flow kind of person, suddenly I feel the need to plan. To be busy all the time, have a packed schedule of important things to do. Maybe my subconscious needs to run away for a bit. I can't control the behavior of people around me, the struggle of our "war at home" with PTSD and a TBI is my least control of all. the exhausting fight to keep my life, my love my whole world standing and complete as best I can. The tiresome role of filling the gaps from lack of care and sincere effort from people who "should" be such a vital and important role in my children's lives. It seems so endless anymore, and of course so much I'm sure I over think , over imagine, and over feel. Yet what do I do with the feelings, I bottle them and I feel worse, imploding, numb to the world. Almost heartless in a sense. I find I've delt with so many blows that my "give a damn button" has been glued, duck taped and nailed in the off switch. I've lost myself in a way, the overly caring, tender hearted, determined to be friends with the world self.

      If I choose to voice my feelings people are offended , defensive, judgmental, and I'm left feeling even worse then when I started. Hmm maybe I do still care in there somewhere. Will this always be my life? Always struggling with myself and everything around me? Always fighting the multiple personalities of the PTSD and TBI our family fights with. The door to our home, to our lives has always been open till recently. We have had to cut ties once and for all with people who continue to throw our family under the bus. Our "war at home" I fight alone . I have no support or help from outside. I do have a few people, ones who truly understand what we go through on a daily basis, but they also understand that even though they know and get it , it doesn't make it any easier. I feel family specific people should be here in every way shape and form. I have resentment in a way because I shouldn't have to face this alone and my kids are sheltered from it as much as possible.

      I LOVE my life..... The life that involves my children, my career, my home and everything to go with it. I just HATE the fight I give to keep it that way. I've never felt strong but I step back and know I'd have to be to keep going at this everyday. At the end of the day I'm left feeling hopeless and then I wake to my children's beautiful faces and I'm able to start again. The outpouring of genuine care from so many people who have recently become like family has been amazing- overwhelming and I honestly have no idea how to accept it. I get upset and tend to open my mouth and then regret it afterwards. It's so appreciated but almost embarrassing to be given the sincerity and caring. I'm rambling and most likely lost my point as my blogs usually go! So I'm  taking a deep breath, today has been a good day and I can cling to the hope that we will have more and more good days .That our lives will be full of those who truly care and someday I'll find my way again or learn to just go with it! :)

This weekends feis

This weekend June 9th is the pikes peak feis which Keelies dance school puts on. This is the closest feis to us that happens all year(being this close maybe people can make an effort to come support her). There will be no other feis's this close, all the others require an hour or more drive. Keelie will dance promptly at 8am. I can't stress that enough that if your not there by that time you will miss her dancing. It goes very fast.
The feis is located at the Bear Creek Elementary school in Monument.

1330 Creekside Drive
Monument, CO 80132

Once you're there is wont be hard to get inside and find the feis. Keelie is dancing on the yellow stage. They are usually marked pretty well.
This will be Keelies first feis dancing with the "big kids" she usually competes in the first feis category but will be competing in beginner 1 instead. There is a lot of competition and we aren't there to win just to get the experience and have fun- despite the early morning and stress Keelie loves the feis's and she also loves the support of family there. We have to be there by 7:15ish but anyone wanting to head up the same time is welcome to follow us.

Our rare entity!!

So for about 4 months now Keelie has been dealing with a very yucky rash/hives breakout. It started the day before her surgery. No Dr's appts were available at the academy so they referred us to a clinic right off post. The Dr there barely looked at her gave us a diagnosis of bed bugs told us to go by a whole new mattress and everything. Freakin jerk- the bug guys came to our house and said we had no bug issues at all.

Keelie had her surgery and in the hospital they even put her in isolation( well the nurses were forces to wear masks and gloves and gowns anytime they touched her- yet our friends and family came in and out as they please- some great isolation!) anyways they really didn't seem to concerned with the reaction instead just gave her benadryl(which helped).

The reaction gets so bad back home that we go see Keelies peds Dr. Knowing that it always works out that as soon as you get in to see the Dr the rash or whatever is gone I started taking pictures. We showed Keelies Dr the pictures and she walked us right over to Allergy. Dr Weber said it was Viral- prescribed her some new meds and away we went

2 months later we went back to see Dr Weber again. We told him its still happening- sometimes even worse then before and shouldn't it have gone away by now if it was viral. He ups her meds(Zyrtec) and gives her a new one for nighttime- aterax.

New years eve Keelie broke out in a totally different rash. Spent some time in the Er she got some good drugs and we went on our way. Followed up with Dr Weber on Monday. He this time referred us to Dermatology. What a waste that was! Well actually it was Tricare's fault not Dr Weber's, they scheduled us with a PA instead of the derm doc, which we didn't know at the time. The guy barely listened to me wouldn't eve look at the pictures and told me Keelie has eczema.  Ya freaking right- I'm no Dr but seriously, eczema does not involve welts or hives. The man went on and on about bleach baths and special body wash and whatever. I gave up and made a note to speak with her peds doc asap.

Dr Newman's (peds doc) first words were eczema doesn't cause welts I'll give you a referral for a second opinion but it will prob go to one of the children's hospitals. Referral came through and we saw Dr Tweed or as his office ladies call him Dougie Houser(sp) He's very young looking! When he first looked at the rashes his initial diagnosis was pediatric Rheumatoid arthritis- can i run the other way now?!! However Keelies physical symptoms other then the rash/hives did not match. So after a million and 1 questions, and a scratch skin test he diagnosed her with Chronic Delayed Pressure Urticaria- in English terms

Delayed pressure urticaria is a type of chronic hives called physical urticaria because the hives are caused by a certain stimulus on the body. In this case, the stimulus is pressure that's applied to the skin. The cause of pressure urticaria is unclear but it is likely to be an autoimmune disease. Cells called mast cells play an important part in the process. Mast cells are tissue cells that contain chemicals, including histamine, which provoke welting

Pressure urticaria is an uncommon form of physical urticaria. Pressure urticaria may occur immediately (within minutes) after a pressure stimulus ; however, more commonly, pressure urticaria develops after a delay of 4-6 hours after a pressure stimulus; hence, the designation delayed pressure urticaria (DPU) is used. The wheals may last for 8-72 hours. The hands, feet, trunk, buttocks, legs, and face are the most common areas affected. Lesions can be induced by a variety of stimuli, including standing, walking, wearing of tight clothes, or sitting on a hard surface


The common range of the urticaria lasting is 9 years- while I hope to god this will not be the case Keelie is at least on drugs for now that help make her comfortable and be able to be a kid! 


Delayed pressure urticaria is considered a rare entity and if you know Keelie she is def a rare entity!!

2012 Irish Dancing Schedule

A new year means a whole new Irish dancing schedule!! So as like last year, I will be posting all upcoming events & 411 here!!

1st Feis of the year-

Winterfeis- January 28

Douglas County Fairgrounds and Event Center

500 Fairground Road

Castle Rock Colorado 80104

**Keelie Will dance at exactly 8am. Not before and not after so if your coming to watch you have to be there right before 8 to see her or you WILL MISS IT.**

MORE FEIS INFO TO COME

ITS ALMOST SAINT PATRICKS TIME AGAIN!!!

Keelie Participates in all the events I will be posting
                                                      Saturday 10: Family night at Jack Quinns

 Friday 16:  

Saturday 17: Parade starts at 12 noon and runs south on Tejon 
following the parade will be a few shows and the night will end with Migintys in Divide at 6pm

Sunday 18: 6:30 pm An Enchanting Evening with Celtip Steps tickets are $10 if bought online prior to the event and $15 at the door. This is a fun way to see Keelie dance as well as watching an exciting show of Irish Dancing!

https://www.facebook.com/#!/events/273376862715819/ this is the facebook link for more info!


                                                     Monday 19_ 

Opps I've slacked on this!!

So last Feis of the year!!
Colorado Fall Feis
Fort Collins, Co /Loveland 
November 4th!!

Life's unexpected curve balls!

After 6 years away the army finally answered our knee begging pleas! We got to moved back to Colorado in December of 2010. Will was finally able to request Fort Carson as his duty station and we got to move home to be near family just in time for the holidays and to welcome our new baby boy. We had a house before we even left Washington, the army packed and moved us and It was prob the easiest most stress free time we have ever had with the army- and those times are almost non-existent!

               Back tracking to February of 2010- Will was deployed to Afghanistan and 11 days before coming home for R&R he was involved in an Ied explosion. His stryker was hit causing an explosion in the front of the vehicle and started a massive fire. Wills driver was severely injured, but alive! Will sustained a head injury ( blacking out), smoke inhalation ,and some bumps and bruises! He was treated by medics- given some pain meds and monitored .

Wills Vehicle

      July of 2010 Will came home to Washington and started the re-deployment process. After numerous ct scans and Dr's appts Will was diagnosed with a Traumatic brain injury and of course ptsd. He was put on meds(none of which helped) for the constant headaches he had and saw the Dr every so often, but nothing more. January of 2011 Will started in- processing to Fort Carson, Colorado. During the medical evaluation the commander started questioning his TBI , recent treatments (or lack there of) for it and what his previous unit had done concerning it( also lack there of!). He then decided to send Will to the medical board.

               For those who don't know, facing the medical board means you are evaluated by numerous Dr's, paperwork after paper work and eventually all the paperwork is sent to Fort Lewis, Washington ( funny enough where we were) The medical board Dr's at Ft Lewis then decide if you are Fit or Unfit to stay in the army. If they see you fit , you are then re-assigned- or allowed to re-class to a different non-deployable job( in most cases) If you are unfit you are either medically discharged or medically retired. Now mind you this is usually a very long process and even longer depending on the severity of the soldiers injuries.

       The last year of our lives has been anything but easy. The army of course has failed to help in so many ways ,specially with counseling. As a family we have been through the most trying time of our life, but I spare you the numerous details. So that brings us to today, the army's decision is finally in. I'm a wreck, I want anything but Will to be retired, as does he. We have our fingers eyes, toes you name is crossed in hopes that the army has found him fit to stay in and re-class. After 6 years of the military life it is safe to say we are comfortable. Knowing we have health care, the housing option, a guaranteed paycheck etc. But with 2 kids the thought of not having any of it is scary as hell. I'm not religious and my beliefs are mixed but if there is someone who answers prayers my prayer today would be this one thing. I know things happen for a reason and I hope the reason is to give Will a chance at the medical career he wants in the army. Wills meeting is at 2:30 today so off to run errands I go so I can keep my mind busy. I know my problems are so small compared to many but if you could please think a good thought for us! :)

Octoberfeis

     First of all we would like to Thank everyone who has made an honest effort to attend Keelies Feis's (You know who you are).And also to everyone out of state(and a few at home!) supporting her!! We definitely know how busy life is and understand that people can't attend them all! It has started to mean a lot to Keelie as well as Will and I. And of course our new extended Irish Dance family that we always get to share them with! Keelie is at the age that she has learned what promises are, and has also learned what it means to have a promise not followed through or simply to not have the effort made at all. As her parents Will and I have become very cut throat on protecting her from disappointment that isn't necessary that she face.




   The 2nd Irish Dancing Feis Keelie competed in was the Martin Percival School of Irish dance Octoberfeis in greenwood village. She competed in the First Feis under 7 age group and danced the Light Jig and Reel. She did a great job, placing 2nd in the Light Jig and 3rd in the Reel. She has a lot of practicing to do when it comes to not watching the dancers next to her! Every school has different steps to each dance, so watching someone not from our school blows your whole concentration and at Keelies age confuses the heck out her!


     Some of the  Feisannas do a special dance. The octoberfeis one was a Silly Sock dance. Keelie, her grandma and I made some little Halloween Irish dancers and attached them to fun Halloween socks with stickers. There were about 23 competitors ages 9 and under. Keelie was one of the last to dance. The moment Keelie started to dance the whole Ballroom erupted in cheers and whistles, naturally feeding from this Keelie took off dancing and owned that stage. There's no way to explain the whole scene in words but it was one of those emotionally charged makes this mom tear up kind of moments! Keelie was so into the moment not only did she drop the dance she was supposed to be doing and do her own she also had to be asked to stop dancing when her time was up! The dance was judged wrong and places were given to very good dancers( champions ect) that Keelie had no chance in beating, but she had a blast anyways and we won't ever forget the crowds reaction!

     Keelie won her first trophy and another medal to add to her prized awards shelf and we have a very long break until the next feis due to her surgery, so lots and lots of time to practice!!

Festivals, Dancing, and Heritage!

   This past weekend was an absolute blast! Will and I decided to sign Keelie up for her first Irish Feis, and crazily chose the Longs Peak Scottish/Irish Feis to do so! The kids, their Godmother Danielle and I drove up to Estes Park Saturday afternoon and met up with my parents. We had a fun evening at the YMCA of the Rockies lodging. Keelie went swimming with grandpa and some friends from dance and after a very wide awake Deklan finally fell asleep I managed to get a couple hours of sleep! O-dark thirty comes fast!!

     The process of putting Keelie's hair up and her wig on can be rather lengthy but I managed to get it done, go eat some breakfast and make it to the fair grounds in record time- an accomplishment for our family!! The Feis started at 9 with figure danced slotted first. Keelie was registered to dance the 2 hand reel- which is a 2 person reel dance. The solo reel and solo light jig. We got Keelie dressed, she ran thru a couple practice dances with her partner and then headed backstage. I thank god for Danielle, cause without her I would have been one lost confused mess!

      There were 2 stages one large and one smaller stage. Inside the large tent were 3 different stages all in a row. Each stage hosts the same dance but different age group. Dancing got underway, it seemed to end as fast as it started!! They get going and don't stop rolling- i made a rhyme, retarded I know! Anyways.... Keelie danced the 2 hand- and she did a really good job! I was so nervous I wanted to cry- sad I know, but I guess someone had to be nervous and Keelie sure wasn't! Very short break in-between, quick run thru of the next dance and back on stage. Keelie was a bit confused and grab the girl closest to her on stage- still thinking she was dancing the 2 hand and refusing to let go. Another dancer from the school finally told her she had to dance by herself and she let go! All week prior to the feis we had practiced with Keelie, she new not to wave to anyone and if she forgot the steps to just keep dancing! And keep dancing she did! Each school has different steps to each dance- so it can be very confusing. You try your hardest not to watch the dancer next to you and remember your own steps- of course for Keelie that was a little hard! It was so crazy in the tent with a million dancers and people watching. Keelie started her reel, in what seemed to be the right steps and from there on out I have no clue as to what dance she was doing! But hey she kept on dancing! Her third and final dance went about the same- her little butt danced all over the stage- she was even told by one of the helpers twice that her dance was over and she needed to stop- she gave him a not so happy look and walked to the back of the stage. 

     

       We did this feis to get the experience, and did not expect Keelie to place in anything, but to her happy surprise she got a 4th place in the 2 hand reel! We are so very PROUD of her!! She wore her medal proudly for majority of the day- showing it to everyone! Keelie loves the stage- she begged to go back on and dance - so to avoid temptation we went and walked the festival. After enjoying a few things with some family friends, we ate some yummy food and will and my mom spent some time looking into our family heritage. Will was able to find his family line- the Clan Macraes and my mom found the Clan Ross. After doing a bunch of research today we added the Clan O'Briens and the Clan Campbell's to our lineage line! Will is beyond excited to have discovered all his family colors and crests and is already planning our festival trip next year! I will enjoying the fair with my 2 men dressed proudly in their kilts( oh yes will is beyond stoked for his kilt and will be putting Deklan in one as well) and my daughter who will be dressed in her Shirley temple wig-- I can't wait!!

FEIS FUN!!!!!

For all our Family and friends here is a tentative schedule for all of the upcoming feiseannas .Keelie will be competing in!! Tentative- meaning after we see how she does at the first one this weekend!!

Keelie will pretty much always dance on the Sunday of the feis( for now)

and will usually be one of the first dances of the day! It will be awesome to see anyone who comes to watch and support Keelie. A few *rules* to be noted(not my rules-ones we were warned of!) Pictures are not really allowed during the competition( so sneak them!) DO NOT go anywhere near the stage or adjudicators table. Please be very quiet, no clapping or anything during the dancing, and for Keelies sake of staying focused don't wave at her- she has been practicing all week not to wave at anyone from the stage( she loves to wave) :)

Longs Peak Feis 2011
Scottish-Irish Highland Festival
Estes Park, CO - Sep 10, 2011 to Sep 11, 2011
Website-http://www.scotfest.com/Scottish_Festival/Home.html
*This Feis you have to buy tickets for- $20 online to get in the festival gate


Oktoberfeis
Friday Sept 30, Sat Oct1, Sun Oct 2                                          
Double Tree Denver Tech Center
7801 East Orchard Road
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Website--http://www.octoberceilimor.com/index.htm


Celtic Steps School Feis (Will have more info soon)
October 29
Denver, CO


Colorado Fall Feis 2011 (Will have more info for this one as well)
Loveland, CO - Nov 6, 2011

Who reads this anyways??

             Lately life has had me by the horns. It has been full of disappointment, rejection, and hurt. Despite the fact that this should be such a happy time, moving home to Colorado, a new beautiful baby boy and of course Keelie being a simple blessing in my life, it hasn't been. I finally came to the conclusion that I was allowing the actions of other people, be it friends or family and even strangers to affect how I was feeling. Yes I know this shouldn't be, but ha ha easier said then done. I created this blog in hopes that family and even friends would join, read what our family is up to and maybe even comment on our everyday happenings. Why you ask, because this is important to me, it is nice to know people may actually care.Virtues I'm trying so very hard to instill in my children, the pride of family, selflessness , and simple caring for each other. As unimportant as a simple blog may seem a little effort goes a long way. But it seems now days everyone is so wrapped around themselves its to much to ask for that little bit of effort. I'm not sugar coating here, and frankly am not worried about hurting any ones feelings. In the past not many people have seemed to care about hurting mine.

               My daughter has grown immensely in the past few years. Everyday she is exploring new adventures both good and bad. My son has grown so fast I'm afraid to blink, he is a whole new world compared to his sister. Somethings I'd love to share with anyone willing to listen. Over the past few years that list of people caring has grown smaller and smaller.

Everyone has an excuse. The miles between us, dislike of your family , how so busy you are ect. ect. Funny though, I've closed those miles between me and some people, yet there's even less communication now then when I was farther away. I'm busy as hell, I finally know whats its like to not have enough hours in a day, but I still find time to talk to the people who want to talk to me.Yes I could do more, but I at least try some. I'm told a lot that I can always call or stop by, well ya know it goes both ways. I can count on 1 hand the amount of times some have seen my son. I'm finding I can't say its everyone- just certain people - me being one of them,  that isn't so important to the rest.  I walk on egg shells, or pretend to be someone else so I can be liked more, only to seem as if I'm not liked at all.Or only called when they need something.


               I'm sitting here tonight, in another "self pity" mood. Hoping to god my hormones will go back to normal soon and I will stop feeling this way. Its amazing and yet sad at the same time that I find myself in these moods lately following my bio class. A class of 24 "adults" who in one way or another can act so beyond childish,catty, and just plain mean. I thought high school was where all this crap happened, not the real world. Yet I seem to re-enter high school every time I go. I hated high school- nothing about high school was a positive for me. I wasn't "cool" or a "nerd" or really part of any group. Maybe " loser" is the term they used in high school. I had a lot of friends- well at least I thought, but I'm lucky if even a couple of them speak to me now-a-days. Now don't get me wrong I know everyone grows up , some move away, have busy lives of their own, but I always like to think I make friends for life. Instead the friends I've made for life are the ones the army's many moves have blessed me with, one of whom has become one of the greatest friends or as I like to call her framily, a girl could ask for. There are a few people I talk to now and then but none of them "close" friends.

Now if you ask anyone who really knows me, I would drop anything to help my friends and family. I would give every penny I had or even the shirt off my back- ok well maybe not the shirt off my back cause that just wouldn't be a pretty sight!But I'm there if someone needs me.I worry about every word that comes out of my mouth, for fear of hurting someones feelings or saying the wrong thing. I tried very hard in to get everyone to like me, yes I know not everyone will like you, but I can sure try can't I. Instead I end up the opposite. The last one picked for the team, if I'm even picked at all. I'm not invited to celebrate peoples birthdays, or to friends weddings or baby showers. If I am its because I'm the one throwing the event. If I'm lucky enough to attend an event, I meet a ton of people, 9 times out of 10 the person next to me ends up with 10 new friends and I haven't a single one. I've questioned my looks, my personality everything I can think of, people always tell me that doesn't matter, but seriously lets compare..........

one of my lab partners shes tall, skinny, sorta pretty----- me I'm short, fat and I'll stop there( I'm not nice to myself) anyways 3 guys in our group- 3 months together and tonight I find out they don't even know my name, however the other girl- of course they know her name, they question every time shes gone, call her beautiful girl, yada yada - hopefully you get the picture.When do I get to be part of the "freakin cool" people? What in gods name determines "cool"? Are my looks not good enough to fit in the important club? Who is it that decides these things and why can't I have a god damn ticket to the club? Why am I not important enough to get an invite, or see when you come to town, make plans with, what makes you so much cooler then me?- god I could go on, but get no-where. I find little comfort in knowing I'm not the only person who goes thru this because I feel as if no one should.

Everyone tells me I'm wonderful, i have beautiful children ect ect. My children are beautiful and I hope I can instill in them what I cant seem to find for myself. But at the same time my children are not "me" , please don;t take that the wrong way, my kids are my whole life but I don't want people to like me because my children are amazing and beautiful. I'd like for people to like me for me, and not say they do then talk behind my back-

I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts. ~John Locke

To be honest I don't want to be "cool". My children think I'm the coolest person in the world and to me that is enough. What I want is to be taken for who I'am. To be acknowledged, invited, considered important. For people to give a damn, about every aspect of me and my life and to show they give a damn. Not once in a blue moon when it's convenient..

Someone I love dearly, who has taught me so much, yet also made me question a lot of things about life will be leaving my life sooner then later. It hit me hard when I learned that she knew all too well the not so nice( and I'm being nice) things going on with the people surrounding her. She has done so much for a lot of people through her life and I for one will be the first to be there for her. The reality of life has been shoved in my face, yes we are all born and then we all die. But what does it all mean, what is truly the meaning and purpose of life. I'm not religious and not even going there, but these thoughts just push even more my feelings towards friends, and family. I will instill in my children just how important this all is and as for everyone else the ball is now in their court................

My Montage 5/18/11 at OneTrueMedia.com

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com